An Ogre’s Guide to Holidaying in Mudpile Wood

According to a certain Dog  bob   you need to take precautions before taking a holiday in Mudpile Wood. I disagree.   But to make the most of your trip you should be prepared.

1.         For plenty of mud fun. As the name of the wood suggests we like wallowing in it. You can be certain you won’t get sun burnt but you will leave with amazing skin.

2.         There will be many parties. The late nights are followed by long sleepy mornings broken with a long lazy breakfast on left overs and finally a snoozy afternoon.

3.         Visitors are not allowed to work. Most occupants of the wood don’t like working so why should we ask you to do it?

4.        I do agree with Mr. Bob about:

a)     Warm hats and gloves, (finger-less gloves are best in case you are trapped in a warlock’s tavern, you may have to pick a slippy, disgusting lock to escape.)

b)     Wellington Boots (but not red, as witches despise red boots, they tend to set them on fire.

c)       Chocolate smelling deodorant. Everyone in Mudpile hates eating chocolate but they adore the smell.

d)      A clever friend who can solve puzzles in case Murphy the Leprechaun catches you, he will only release you when you solve his puzzle.Bring loads of books. Ogres have an insatiable appetite. First they  read the book then they eat it.

5.    I love books. They give me ideas, as I eat them. ( I learnt this lesson from a friend of mine called Hungry Henry. I will tell you about him another time.)

An Ogre with a View: That Silly Dog with a Blog

That dog is silly.

I have a friend, who flies high, I call him Krafty but,  Kestrals don’t have a sense of humour so, please do not say it out loud.

He tells me that Bob, is hunting me or is it my Cakes? You never can tell with that dog.

He will be a long time as I am hiding high in my second favourite tree.  He is waiting at the wrong one.

breeze tree 2

It might not be my favourite but it is comfortable and he won’t look up here.

 

 

Bob’s Diary: New Quest – Catching an Ogre

Catching an Ogre

decidinglybob

How to catch a scheming Ogre.

1.    Promise him the sun, moon and stars

2.     Don’t give him a straight answer just imply you will do everything he requests.

3.      Never mention money,

4.       Always smile and sympathise – even if you think he is the world’s best twat.

5.        Minions  (mine is called Ellie) come in handy for not only carrying out soon to be forgotten promises but also for taking the blame.

ellie and bob 007

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